up side

I still think of them as children.

This evening, after a half-assed attempt at a no-budget/no-parmesan-cheese spaghetti dinner that Elliot scarfed and Anna merely considered, with sidelong glances only possible by a nominally disaffected 13 year old, while we weren’t necessarily in the grips of familial love, neither were we beyond those grips…exactly somewhere in between. A comfortable detente, of sorts, in which I demanded Elliot, the 15 year old, who will eat most anything and be grateful for it, to, in his moment of sated defenselessness, give me a kiss on the cheek. It had been too long.

The children and I have traded bed time stories for driving permits and make-up—change that has happened all too quickly and without my consent. Though apparently none was needed.

I hear Anna making a green smoothie in the kitchen, having shunned the budget pasta, and Elliot the Dungeon Master, Skypes and plays upstairs…both children entrenched in the neverland of the in-between. Existing within and outside of two worlds: the first they are leaving but find themselves, despite themselves, clinging to, the second they are not quite ready for but desire passionately. My own role in this absurdest, yet endearing, drama is being quickly and without fanfare reduced to that of an observer, a listener and feeder, a reminder of chores, a payer of bills and driver.

Approaching my late 40’s, having been both single and a mother for 10 years now, having been an accomplished director in a multinational corporation, having traveled the world only to come back home, in metaphor and in reality, to budget pasta, I realize that the more I experience, the less I know. By 60 I should be as ignorant as a brick.

Anna tells me she needs to study for French now and that I should go to the gym so that I don’t get old and fat and suffer from ailments that will necessitate her care. So, off I go, sparing her the burden of that worry, at least for now.

earth-song:

The vampire squid (Vampyroteuthis infernalis, lit. “vampire squid from Hell”) is a small, deep-sea cephalopod found throughout the temperate and tropical oceans of the world. Unique retractile sensory filaments justify the vampire squid’s placement in its own order:Vampyromorphida (formerly Vampyromorpha), which shares similarities with both squid and octopuses. As a phylogenetic relict it is the only known surviving member of its order, first described and originally classified as an octopus in 1903 by German teuthologist Carl Chun, but later assigned to a new order together with several extinct taxa… [more]

Source: earth-song

Good works.

9 months ago

beingblog:

“You want people to recognize that they’re the truth of who they are — that they’re exactly what God had in mind when God made them.”
—Fr. Greg Boyle

Krista Tippett speaks with the Jesuit priest whose prison ministry has worked with some of the most violent, gang-ridden members in Los Angeles. A riveting hour and the second in our series of conversations from Chautauqua. Can’t wait to produce this show for public radio!

~Trent Gilliss, senior editor

Source: beingblog

youmightfindyourself:

A tessellation of a disk used to solve a finite element problem.

Source: youmightfindyourself

tumblropenarts:

“The War of the Thoughts”

http://veraandrukhovablog.tumblr.com/
http://www.veraandrukhova.com/ - I made my web-site at tumblr also :)

Source: tumblropenarts

When You Don’t Have Enough Money in the Bank to Cover Costs for the Month

When you don’t have enough money in the bank to cover costs for the month, and you know this before the costs that you cannot cover come due, the space in between these two times—the knowing and the shortfall—is filled with equal measure financial gymnastics and denial. Financial gymnastics is the mother the Craigslist posting that makes quick sale of an old chair you didn’t really like anyway. Denial to help you sleep at night.

Considering a second job isn’t out of the question. Single mothers with loser exes do it all the time, accounting for those sexy dark under-eye circles and inevitable signs of premature aging. But you do what needs to be done. So you can buy rosin and school lunches. Notevenorganic milk, and and sad-overcrowded-chicken eggs.

The question at hand is what kind of second job, when the first already wears you thin? Something that requires just enough effort to earn the extra $100/week, which will pay for new Converse All Stars for school. And vaccinations. Something such as muffin salesman, or lawn mowing service phone receptionist. Nothing too taxing. Alas, there is no such animal on the “Jobs” board on Craigslist. Merely scams and ads luring you into nonexistent easy money in magazine sales.

While simultaneously looking for a new primary job that pays fairly in the first place.

While raising two children.

While keeping a house.

While working the original job that, well, at least pays 80% of the bills.

In the midst, realizing that this is the moment that you are given. And it is a good moment. Healthy moment. Laughing and happy but tired and lonely too, moment, full of beauty, that you wouldn’t trade for any alternative. Because it is a miracle, even this.

$intothecontinuum: In July 1967, astronomers at the Cavendish Laboratory in Cambridge, observed an unidentified radio signal from interstellar space, which flashed periodically every 1.33730 seconds. This object flashed with such regularity that it was accurate enough to be used as a clock and only be off by one part in a hundred million. It was eventually determined that this was the first discovery of a pulsar, CP-1919. This is an object that has about the same mass as the Sun, but is the size of the San Francisco Bay at its widest (~20 kilometers) that is rotating so fast that its emitting a beam of light towards Earth like a strobing light house! Pulsars are neutron stars that are formed from the remnants of a massive star when it experiences stellar death. A hand drawn graph plotted in the style of a waterfall plot, in the Cambridge Encyclopedia of Astronomy, was later arguably more renown for its use on the cover of the album “Unknown Pleasures” by 1970s British band Joy Division. Some even managed to point out the resemblance of this plot to some other waterfall plot gifs. Also, two days ago today was Joy Divisions singer’s, Ian Curtis, birthday! Mathematica code: R[n_] := (SeedRandom[n]; RandomReal[])ListAnimate[ Table[ Show[ Table[ Plot[ 80 - m + .2*Sin[2 Pi*R[6*m] + Sum[4*Sin[2 Pi*R[4*m] + t + R[2 n*m]*2 Pi]* Exp[-(.3*x + 30 - 1*100*R[2 n*m])^2/20], {n, 1, 30, 1}]] + Sum[3(1 + R[3*n*m])*Abs[Sin[t + R[n*m]*2 Pi]]* Exp[-(x - 1*100*R[n*m])^2/20], {n, 1, 4, 1}], {x, -50, 150}, PlotStyle -> Directive[White, Thick], PlotRange -> {{-50, 150}, {0, 85}}, Background -> Black, Filling -> Axis, FillingStyle -> Black, Axes -> False, AspectRatio -> Full, ImageSize -> {500, 630}], {m, 1, 80, 1}]],{t, 0, 6.3*18/19, 6.3/19}],AnimationRunning -> False]$

intothecontinuum:

In July 1967, astronomers at the Cavendish Laboratory in Cambridge, observed an unidentified radio signal from interstellar space, which flashed periodically every 1.33730 seconds. This object flashed with such regularity that it was accurate enough to be used as a clock and only be off by one part in a hundred million.

It was eventually determined that this was the first discovery of a pulsar, CP-1919. This is an object that has about the same mass as the Sun, but is the size of the San Francisco Bay at its widest (~20 kilometers) that is rotating so fast that its emitting a beam of light towards Earth like a strobing light house! Pulsars are neutron stars that are formed from the remnants of a massive star when it experiences stellar death.

A hand drawn graph plotted in the style of a waterfall plot, in the Cambridge Encyclopedia of Astronomy, was later arguably more renown for its use on the cover of the album “Unknown Pleasures” by 1970s British band Joy Division.

Some even managed to point out the resemblance of this plot to some other waterfall plot gifs.

Also, two days ago today was Joy Divisions singer’s, Ian Curtis, birthday!

Mathematica code:
R[n_] := (SeedRandom[n]; RandomReal[])

ListAnimate[
 Table[
  Show[
  Table[
   Plot[
    80 - m
    + .2*Sin[2 Pi*R[6*m] 
            + Sum[4*Sin[2 Pi*R[4*m] + t + R[2 n*m]*2 Pi]*
                  Exp[-(.3*x + 30 - 1*100*R[2 n*m])^2/20], 
              {n, 1, 30, 1}]]
    + Sum[3(1 + R[3*n*m])*Abs[Sin[t + R[n*m]*2 Pi]]*
          Exp[-(x - 1*100*R[n*m])^2/20],
      {n, 1, 4, 1}],
  {x, -50, 150},
   PlotStyle -> Directive[White, Thick], 
   PlotRange -> {{-50, 150}, {0, 85}}, 
   Background -> Black, Filling -> Axis, FillingStyle -> Black, Axes -> False, 
   AspectRatio -> Full, ImageSize -> {500, 630}],
 {m, 1, 80, 1}]],
{t, 0, 6.3*18/19, 6.3/19}],
AnimationRunning -> False]

(via physicsphysics)

Source: intothecontinuum

aseaofquotes:

Peter Cameron, Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You

Source: aseaofquotes

Beyond Words

Him: Buddha used to say, "If you find Buddha, then kill him," because Buddha means the awakened one. But the process of awakening kills the seperate entity called "Buddha."
Annabellavilla: That's too puzzling.
Him: Because awakening is not personal. Like your first blog today.
Annabellavilla: My blog is personal?
Him: Real content that forgets its context.
Annabellavilla: Ah, yes.
Him: That's awakening.
I like this sentence, and
it is from my sweet ABV
Annabellavilla: Then you are awake, and I must kill you.

10 months ago